Uncommon Fathers by Donald J. Meyer - a review| Autism Bookshelf

Uncommon Fathers: Reflections on Raising a Child with a Disability

Edited by: Donald J. Meyer
Published by: Woodbine House, 1995

Reviewed by
Linda Wanfried

Fathers of children with various disabilities write this book's chapters. The fathers write tenderly about their children. They tell how their lives have been enriched and their perspectives changed through the experience of being the father of a child who needs more of everything.

On the back cover there is an excerpt from the essay written by Bob Dale, about his 4-year-old daughter. He writes: "Jessica has taught me what true love is. Poets and preachers, young lovers, and idealists have professed knowledge of this elusive concept for years. But, in Jessica's silence I have learned the real essence of love: You give everything and expect nothing in return."

Mr. Dale also writes, "Most fathers are told to do the same thing I was: be strong for your family. Sometimes I don't feel very strong. Sometimes I'm tired and I want all of it to go away. Sometimes I cry. I let my two boys know they can cry, too. Sometimes we cry together".

Another "Uncommon Father", Richard Anderson, writes about his son Walter, who "is 10 years old, five feet two inches tall, and has never spoken a word". Walter has autism. Dad writes: "I do not wish Walter was different - I wish society were different. I wish it did not matter that some children have disabilities. I wish a person did not need so much mental power and acuity to live happy fulfilling life. I wish society understood special children. I wish the world were not such a dangerous place."

He continues: "The ten years of Walter's life have been ten years of the greatest love and joy imaginable. The love I feel for Walter is so particular to him. I cannot imagine being as moved by the achievements of a typically developing child as I am with every small step Walter takes in his development. The road is not level for Walter. Every small step Walter takes is uphill."

Milton Seligman, another dad, writes, "I believe that all fathers worry about the future when it comes to their offspring. However fathers of children with disabilities worry even more because our children have fewer opportunities for success, they may be restricted in their ability to function independently, and because we perceive our children to be more vulnerable. It is for these reasons that the future is so worrisome to me.

"Uncommon Fathers" lets us hear the voices and inner thoughts of fathers of special needs children. It is a unique perspective.

This book is available from amazon.com